At Times..

I stand by the mirror and I look

Into me; there's a dark colored book

Of my thoughts and distinct feelings

As I watch through my reflection

My eyes drop a tear and a question

Will anyone drop by to read into me?

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Sun takes refuge and wind calls people outside

A sudden smile shapes in and I go out to see

The chill of the world; contrasts my inside

This weather; makes me wanna play

But, I keep standing on the rooftop

For I have no one to read into me

And have fun with; let my heart out

It hurts till the depth of my heart; and

At times I wish I were dead.

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I am the brittle one who will be there

Whenever you call him; wish for him

I am that who will listen to you

Whenever you want him to

I am nothing but a sequestered bloke

Who will smile to you and do anything

If you share some words and read into him

For he is tired of listening to his reflection.

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Looking outside, I see a bird enjoying this beautiful cool weather. I wanted to go out today, I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be the one I always had been, until someone killed everything inside me. I feel trapped. I feel devoid. I feel caged. Hey reader, if you're feeling what I am feeling, you probably know, sometimes death looks easy. 

She came back: A Peaceful Glitch In Time

Hello my friend

We meet again

It's been a while 

Since I gave you my eyes

I don't know if you feel

My broken pieces 

Stained in red; they bleed

But you came back and you stare

It was your eyes where my hope lied

Blue skies met a new sunrise

You have come and you don't say

Anything that I want to hear

You stand before me today

With a new song; completely astray

You came back, not to wait for me

But to see me change to stone

This is just for you to know

Together we always had to grow

We loved; We shared; We cared

We fought; We sought; We cried

But something always was unfulfilled

[ कुछ तो रह गया बाकी|]

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# I've tried to be as less creative as possible. This post was written while listening to some of the most romantic songs I've ever come across in my life. For a moment she came back to me, in my arms, but perhaps I mistook my reverie for a peaceful glitch in time. I've learnt: If somebody stops loving you, there has to be an inveterate reason and possibly many chances that that somebody never loved you truly. Love ain't an easy thing folks. It's a beautiful poison which you have to drink once you know it's there. She never told me how to move on when she's not there. I'll just keep quiet. For a very long time. Until I digest my pain and fucking flush it out. And that's it.

A Step Ahead..

# Overtly sentimental and corny. This is a part of something from today. I'm being Amir and giving you a glimpse of what I have in this shitty post beneath. So, think again! #
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I don't want to wait for tomorrow. It's first day of the seventh month today. It's my birthday. Though I feel bereft of my flowing away childhood, I see a novel yet brittle gate opening in front of me. Last night, I felt a broken fear, a perforated sense that silently made me aware of passing time and dragged me into my gone years, and here I was, swimming through my beautiful childhood. Just one day before your expected-to-be big day, when you flash away your whole life through your eyes, a cold feeling settles inside. You're growing, into a responsible person, maybe. You have expectations. You have goals. After all, life's a constant sea of unwanted and wanted change. As I saw myself of that day, a sudden anxiousness made me imagine those days, those happy days, when dreams were mine not my future's. Perhaps you should never watch your childhood all alone inside a room, it might give your eyes a little heavy drop and stick a most true curve on your face. It's hard to let go, it's hard to step ahead in this path when I know I'm never gonna be the same. Yet, I take a step ahead. To reach where, I don't know. Maybe to a place where I am called successful. I just want to be happy. Like happy, happy. I will be, one day.

Someone special called me last night, she blamed me and hung up. Called me again, just because she said she had to. Maybe I still hold a chance. Maybe the door can still be broken. I don't know. Having been away for more than a month, I don't think I am me anymore. My heart is heavier. My winds have changed. It won't work. She didn't understand. I slept with my songs. I woke up aged a year older. Ah! That feeling of today is my birthday! gave me a kicked start and here I was, gamboling like a crazy ball in my room, only to realize the next second that the morning had been gifted to be and all of my family has gone out for a walk. We all love being alone in our homes, don't we? I do! Perhaps then I can do a nude dance even on my way to bathroom, or perhaps I can pretend to be a rockstar! Whoa! I jumped around with some hot music till I turned wet with sweat. One hell of a time, you know! Then, I turned on my laptop to watch something special. Something which has been with me for more than a year now. It's called 7th Heaven. I watched the last couple episodes and finished its all eleven seasons. What a journey it has been! It has taught me so much, it has helped me figure myself at times and it has been my refuge in a lot of tough times, and now it's over. I'll miss all of them! It was one of the longest running TV shows back then and probably it will be my longest running memory, forever. I can proudly say, I want to be like Camdens! For they are the reason for my dreams. I am very happy since I finished it on my birthday. This brings tears. Maybe because I had them with me forever, even though someone abandoned me. Well.

(It was a my kind of world, a family drama which perhaps is made for everyone of you! Here take a look of its short preview: 7th Heaven Preview.)

Although, I had a very unusual; usual day today, it still feels special, for maybe that watched movie today, without any disturbance, without anybody looking and expecting from me, was a peaceful watch and that popcorn tub eaten all by myself in a derelict movie hall, PVR, tasted more than good. After all, happiness lies inside larger things in life. Isn't it?

And here I am, in the night, writing this short day of mine, without any thoughts, without any resentment and without any grudges. I'm sure I'll have good dreams today, maybe different from the dreams I saw with someone who always had to stay here, beside me. I am happy. I am happy because it was my day. And I lived it in the best way I could. And as this day fades away, I save a brittle part of it in my raw words. 1st July. A Sunday. I'll see you next year, way more happier, not at all like I am now. I was true and truth wins. It fucking has to, or the end is far away.


ना छोड़ें ये यारियाँ.
#Perhaps it's very easy for you to say let go, 'cause for you all, it doesn't mean a thing. You see a man with darkness all around, I see a man with his light gone out of his ground. There's a difference. This is crazy me on a Sunday night saying, God bless you all! #