Preempting The Tea For Two, I Flew

The table is set perfectly, for 'tea for two'. (and the piece of cake is ready too). I am really looking forward to this. There is still a good half an hour left for my guest to arrive as per the text I just got. Suddenly the door bell rings giving me a jolt and makes me wonder who can it be on the door at this time.

Gulping the sudden tad bit of fright, I stand up facing the eerie silence and proceed to open the door. And tada! Here's the person who once covered the brightest spot in my heart. Enthralled and astounded at the same time, I gambol up to him dumping all the sudden fright born due to that eerie silence.

"Man! Where have you been you nitwit bonehead?! It's been eons since I saw you! You look absolutely stunning!", I exclaim in exuberance as he stands still with his ear-to-ear smile.

"I missed you my friend. I really did. And that drove me here. Tell me how are you? How have the things been? You have changed so much in these eight years!", my long-lost-found better half speaks with now more manly tone. 

Forgetting all about that 'important' guest of mine, I dive into our enticing schism of reminiscence and divide the cake into two. As the cake spins down our throats, I realize that I have a guest coming over! Within a jiffy I hold Ricky's shoulder and we showcase our childhood absconding skills and fly away from the tea, only to create a new thread of memories clenching tightly to the older ones.

Staggering, I write a text to my 'to-be' guest:

"I'm so sorry, I have some juvenile business to finish today. I'll meet you tomorrow for sure, same time; my place. I apologize for the inconvenience caused but sometimes relations swill your void with so much happiness that all you can do is smile and make them stronger. Right?"

In between the garrulous talks, I look at my phone and see his reply, ":-)". With a discreet smile, I order two large whiskeys. 

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                                              Preeti Shenoy's third book.

Life's not what you anticipate

Life's what you're ready to bake, make and take.

I chose true friendship. What does your cake choose?

PS : This post is in reply to Preeti Shenoy's creative prompt for this tuesday.

A White Pigeon Came With A Silver Lining

Beneath these clouds of darkness

Once came a white young pigeon

Closing his wings as soon as he reached me, 

He matched his tender eyes with my blandness

Realizing his contrast with my heart,

I inquired in astonishment, "What brings you to me?"

Without answering my futile interrogations,

He smiled and just smiled to me in parts

Vexed, I stood up and started walking away

Small white man kept sitting on my shoulders

Deciding to finally get rid of him,

I kept looking right in his eyes with sway  

Within few minutes I had a smile shining
It was either cuteness or his determination
I looked up and clouds began to shy away  

For this whitey was my silver lining

Gazing at the brightness which now lit me, I asked him hoping that now he'd answer, "Who're you? Who sent you? How did you manage to make me smile even in these dark times?". He didn't answer, yet again.

Instead, he took a huge leap in air from my shoulder and looking towards my lit eyes, yelled to me:  

> उड़जा बनके धूप का पंछी छुड़ाके गहरी छाँव अंधेरी, छाँव अंधेरी|

मेरी परछाई

                                                  Pic Courtesy: Google

मेरी परछाई ने मुझे देखकर कहा,

तुझे एहसास है की तू प्रकाश सोखता है?

क्यूँ है तेरे दिल में इतना अंधेरा

जब तूने मुझे बनाया है इतनी रौशनी लेकर?

मैने उसकी तरफ देखकर धीरे से बोला, "तू मेरे साथ रहेगा हमेशा?"

वो मुझे पकड़ के बोला, "अगर तू निरंतर चमक सोखता रहा तो हाँ हमेशा."

"A dream can teach you, To Live. To Spread. To Make. And to Absorb."

(This was my dream this morning. Even though I couldn't find exact image to exactly transcribe in words but it did teach me something. Something my shadow knows better than I do)

Choice Of Direction

                                                                                                                          (Picture Courtesy: Google)

Always make a choice of direction

For life begins at a excoriating intersection

Of the weak and the fittest

So, pick your drums and play your best

For there is no second try waiting ahead in this crass contest.

~ Flummoxed Thoughts.

Tea With The Second Man

If I could invite anybody for 'tea for two' today, it would undoubtedly be The man in the mirror I find everyday because:

|| There's a lot to ask about what he did
In this rush, why did he make himself sordid
I'll ask him what he wishes for me in future
So that I could lay myself in his cozy nurture
'Please be my other side always for you're my only hope', I wish to say
This time I want you to answer more than just a monkey play
Come out O my reflection for I wish to find what's hidden inside
I'm longing for a deeper ground in me and it's time I should call you beside. ||

Maybe a tea with him alone will make my second man speak other than what I say
Maybe I'll find what I was made for and what I need to explore ahead today.

Who Are You When I'm Not Looking

Love steals your conscience; sits inside and creates its own cocoon around that lonely heart. As the time passes by there's a beautiful butterfly spreading wings in the abundant skies looking at you with sparkling deep eyes. Then slowly your lips start curving seeing the wonderful creature love made from you. I smiled too.

My butterfly flew high and higher for a very long time till it found an even more beautiful soul to fit in. Love was then to spin its magic and that part of my soul decided to give up the journey of abundant skies and reside within that warm place. Hands joined, smiles flew, feelings changed shores and winds shut my eyes in her lap. Imagination took me away!

**********

Seasons changed, time gained, feelings grained and the fly sprained. For a moment it seemed like a trade of mere creatures craving for food and blessing. We stood together yet far away and once again the skies felt heavier. Stop and Stare. 
I thought I was moving but I went nowhere. I stood there catching the rolling salty drops as I longed for the happy fly and its small dorm. I longed for her pleasant eyes and her serine touch as I sat alone singing, "I'm All Out Of Love, I'm so lost without you. I know you were right believing for so long. I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong".

Suddenly, one morning a phone call came by. Colours seemed flashing across the atmosphere as I heard her voice. A changed, pleasant and soothing tone poured with serendipity. Thinking the best days of my life we started all over again with a new song; a new main without pain. But as they say, if you take a step forward, taking the same step back doesn't assure your landing at the exact same place even if you are looking behind. I anticipated her insecurity and I could sense questions pilling up inside her magnanimous soul.

Questions of doubts, fear and fake-ness came in as thorns on a beautiful rose. Searching for a way to answer those with my heart, somewhere I got lost on words. Oh lord, how could I make her believe that she's the one I call home? That she's the one I wanna be with? How can I bring back the old trust and brightness in us? Diving in reminiscence, I once again sang my rhyme: Her Eyes. I rant for I want to tell her that my fly is still living and loving inside her soul, comfortably and lovingly.

<Inhale>
I say this to my and only my beautiful angel that I'm the only one jerk you'll ever have in your lifetime and no matter how hard and cumbersome the situations may turn I'll be there by your side for it's only your shade in which I find myself flying around in confidence, patience, peace and life. I want us to lay together on the grass of clouds and under the shade of rains only to realize that we have so much to feel happy about. There is no one on this planet who makes me feel content and melodious but you young lady, with your passionate smile and sky-high emotions. I'm yours, Forever, Now. You and I, Forever, Now. Together. Now. Forever.
<Exhale>

And finally from my butterfly bearer I have to ask:

Oh my baby you're only my soul's booking
But I just wanna know who're you when I'm not looking?


PS - <Inhale> and <Exhale> tags are the new tags included before and after any statements which are made to overrule any doubts and arguments in Love. Pun Intended.  

The Second Man: The Second Him

Exactly 1 year ago, I was a nomad; naive in understanding any feelings and emotions. As this one year has completely shuffled my conscience, there's one thing, a feeling, which time has not been able to wither away. Death Dates, should not be remembered ever for they ensue pain and eat away the happy memories. Today, I call for The Second Man inside to once again shake me and make me stick to my promise of not remembering the death dates. I have broken it today and probably will break it every year.

I wrote this on this every date last year:

"I feel that death dates must not be remembered as the birth dates are. However my mom contradicts me. She feels that we must remember when that person left us peacefully. I dont agree! Maybe she’s correct. I feel that remembering them will only give us more tears. Instead, we must remember them everyday and we must feel happy that wherever they are, they are resting in peace.

My aunt had gathered courage to make up for this Huge loss. Now remembering today, she will again go back to where it all started. I hate this. I hate seeing this. I want to change it. I want to make her smile and live her life again. Help me God..

Riya says “There are certain things we cannot change. We can just remember and cherish the memories attached. Things happen in time“

My sister’s facebook status says ”I am contemplating if time really heals?“

I look at the difference between the two saying of the two different people I really love! I feel that time can't do much until we ourselves decide to live with it and cherish there memories, instead of mourning with grief! Wish we could be a little different and think positive always. But in the end I also feel bad because I lost him. Maybe this is the reason that the small cherishment gets converted to unmounted grief. I’m confused. My two other sisters like my status. Aren't they confused?

I write this for my uncle whom I considered as my great Dad. He passed away in peace today last year. He loved us. He will always be my inspiration in every sphere of life. He was so pure, so true and so loving.

I have to go, to support my aunt. We have to console ourselves, Her.

I wont cry.

May his soul rest in peace. We are all blessed. We love him."

Death dates, thereby both entail and ensue pain and suffering but we can't stop ourselves from remembering. And we shouldn't. Just that instead of ranting and tearing our hearts with pain, if we could share some happy memories, tears will still flow but happy ones. The loss can never be filled. But the presence can still be felt in our minds and souls with the happiness they spread when they were here. 

I still remember how he stood beside my bed before my exams in 10th class with a golden pen in his hand. It was my first board exam and that too SST(Social Studies). I was too small to drop a tear then but today I can't hold a single tear up in the eye.

God seldom sits by the side to make such true and distinct personalities but whenever he does, he does it perfectly. I scored 97 in the same exam. And this was also my highest score among all the subjects!

Motivation and Inspiration are key factors which subside any kind of fear in life and laughter drinks it dry. I pick up from where he left and I have to be The Second Man, The Second Him. With a promise with my existence and an oath over my word, I decide to be truthful, honest and kind. I'll walk on his road. 

With all my desperation of meeting him and seeing his smile, I shut this post with my eyes closed and dive into deep dreams with this ode:

These scars are bigger than these doubts of mine
They come alive every year at the same time 

World feels empty with all of these rants inside

Memories make me stronger building my spine

It's this bright red heart where his soul resides

And he's never going outa this pumping emotional thing for I've drawn an indelible covering line.

[I still believe we can live forever. Forever and ever in our silent hearts; in our own deviant way and loving existence]

** With this small post, I express my love and my rant for my maternal uncle who was more like a father to me. He resides somewhere deep inside me where my spirit sits with him; ensconced and singing.

I'm Helpless, Restless and I'm Waiting..

I am the sea on a moonless night

With rising, falling and slipping tides

I am the misshapen cloak stuck on your sides

With endless aching ends of slight

I am the leaf on the drier side 

Ready to fall in the deeper ground

I am a broken twig hoping to be found

With tears becoming heavy and about to slide

Even the sun finds shades to hide

Blocking variant sources of light

Even in my dreams

Laughter spins away in streams

I am Helpless, I am Restless

Looking for you, Searching for you

With this desperate use of pain

I've been talking in my main

I am the life which is stuck in hay

Searching for a way that goes to you

I am the feeling out and new

Waiting for you to shatter dismay

I am the dried up doubting eyes

Looking for the well that won't run dry

I am the care living closy by

Running hard over those lies

One by one by one

We let our hearts run

I am Helpless, I am Restless

Looking for you, Searching for you

I can hear you breathing

I can hear you screeching

It's more than just a feeling

I wanted just a feeling

I'm looking for you, I'm aging

I'll be waiting, anticipating

All what I was made for

When you'll fill my pore

At last completed and complete

Tides of sadness and pain subside

Depression shows itself as obsolete

Till then, I'll be waiting, anticipating and repeating

.At the top of my voice

[I wanna wake up kicking and screaming]

Hope, Love and My Dark Horse

These cold nights and sweet breeze

Leaves my conscience in a dire squeeze

This golden bright and stout thunder 

Leaves me searching a place to hide under

But this unloving love and this uncaring care

Leaves my nerves with dark blood spare in despair

Come back O my love, Come back O my love

For I still feel for you and I'm here without you. 

^ Life's pretty hard when you see all bright lights flowing around and deep inside a small dark portion calls for sun. But in thoughts there are dreams and in dreams there is hope.

Here's the dark horse I'm riding on. He absorbs darkness, making the sky of my dreams bright and full of the seven beautiful ways to be happy. Hope, Faith and Love are his sublime breakfast, lunch and dinner which make our journey worth-it to walk upon. 

"Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired." 

I'm here without love and dark nerves are bending upon to search smattering amount of courage and faith. But I have hope and trust in the person within that he'll somehow get to her sensitive core and boom again in red, spreading joy with happiness.

I look in the mirror of my dreams and promise myself to never step down from my virtual dark horse. Makes me feel like a prince. Or may be I am one. The prince of my life; our life. :)

This post is just a split portion of my feeling at this jiffy. And she's probably sleeping but she's well awake in this craving heart of mine. See, there's the kiss of love! Period.