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| Picture Source: Google |
There was a place called paradise
Where the sun shined
Stars always stood in line
Every time he closed his eyes
A torn piece of light followed his sight
Showing him this world; so new.
Seasons flipped around as days passed
Taller he grew and much heavier
He wanted to go back and look
Into his own place of perfection,
His eyes shimmered with passion
Waiting to see the unraveled
He lay awake in pride
To see his place called paradise
Slowly away from daylight, he closed his eyes.
It looked like a broken stone
Sun lay dead in the corner of the street
Stars formed into bitter snakes in sky
He stared into the dilapidated evening
Of his place still called paradise
A black arrow had hit his eyes
Breaking the little pieces of light.
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| Picture Source: Google |
Time is a cheat; his worst enemy
It swallowed the pure wings of dreams
Leaving his place called paradise
Into this dark riot of change
He throws this verse to you
To make you aware of a change
Which sooner or later is coming
For you and your paradise.
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This post is part of the contest Ten words to a Story(or Poem).. on WriteUpCafe.com
23 comments:
Loved the poem
This very much remains the thought for the day
"He throws this verse to you
To make you aware of a change
Which sooner or later is coming
For you and your paradise."
Have a great day Rachit :)
Awesome! :D you make it look so easy! :P Loved the way you used all those required words!
Lovely poem, reminded me of coldplay's song - Paradise :)
excellent poem sir..
Bikram's
@Sukku: Hey! Long time! It's good to hear from you. Thanks. :)
@Ashna: As always, you're the motivator! Thanks a ton! :D
@Neha: Thanks a lot. I feel great since this crap of mine lead you to the greatness of coldplay's song. :)
@Bikram: Thanks a lot sir. :D
Leo the best part I love in your writing is the sheer honesty which reflects from your words. You have actually laid bare your heart here...superbly written undoubtedly!!
A very clean poem..
A torn piece of light followed his sight
Showing him this world; so new..
Lovely lines.. :)
PS: I love it when I understand your poems :P
how paradoxical. as he yearns to go back to his Paradise, the same time he'd be getting all the more distanced from it.
but that's the challenge-life has already shown us the way how we can be happy!
and as I am in the same age as He is, so your poem very well reflects for the sentiments that are conceiving inside me!
Effortless writing!
you've gone a long way and there's a longer way to go! all the best :)
-Sanya
Superb, reminds me of something I read few years back. This poem also reminds me of Kashmir. Best of luck with the contest.
@Sanya: Thanks a lot! Your comment really brightened my day! :D
@Saru: I'm so glad it makes you think. Thank you so very much. I'm learning from you :)
beautiful poem...loved the flow!
Jasmeet
http://emotestar.blogspot.com
@Saloni: Hey thanks! Haha. I love the way you always end your comments. :P
@Jasmeet: Thank you so very much! :)
It's a beautiful poem.. Particularly the last paragraph was awesome.. Good luck for the contest sir..
Intense is the word which immediately comes to my mind after reading this.
I second Saloni. I love it when I understand your emotions right, that is, supposing I do. For it takes a deep psyche to see what you show. :)
P.S: Its amazing how effortlessly you got all those words in the poem. Great :D
Long ago, I had scribbled a few verses about change & idealism leaving us as we grow older. This, reminded me of that. I'm too dumb when it comes to writing or reading poetry, but this neat piece has a lot of essence in it.
An undertone of melancholy lurks intermittently. Trying to chase the perfect, while neglecting the beauty of imperfections... Holding on to the things that never came to pass, doesn't work. We must create new dreams as soon as old ones are fulfilled, or more importantly shattered. Okay, that's quite enough of trying to sound intellectual ... Impressively crafted mate... Thanks for sharing :)
Godspeed...
@Someone Special: Thank you so very much. And drop that sir! I'm too incomplete for that. :)
@Usama: Your comment is always like a deep motivational gun. I love your connection with my Sentimientos. Thanks for being there, always. :)
@Shivang: Hey thanks! This is nothing as compared to what you can create. A comment after this long time feels great! Thanks. :)
Absolutely good...
It striked a chord somewhere. It really did :)
@Sreeja: Thank you so much! :)
@JJ: It sure strikes a chord back inside when anyone says that. Thank you so much. :)
Nice poem and very well expressed!! :)
Thanks Rohan! :)
Lovely poem! Absolutely AMAZING Leo :)
Loved the last stanza. Even I got reminded of Paradise by Coldplay! :))
Thanks AaeKay! I'm glad you make me comparable to that amazingly awesome band! :D
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