The Second Man: The Second Him

Exactly 1 year ago, I was a nomad; naive in understanding any feelings and emotions. As this one year has completely shuffled my conscience, there's one thing, a feeling, which time has not been able to wither away. Death Dates, should not be remembered ever for they ensue pain and eat away the happy memories. Today, I call for The Second Man inside to once again shake me and make me stick to my promise of not remembering the death dates. I have broken it today and probably will break it every year.

I wrote this on this every date last year:

"I feel that death dates must not be remembered as the birth dates are. However my mom contradicts me. She feels that we must remember when that person left us peacefully. I dont agree! Maybe she’s correct. I feel that remembering them will only give us more tears. Instead, we must remember them everyday and we must feel happy that wherever they are, they are resting in peace.

My aunt had gathered courage to make up for this Huge loss. Now remembering today, she will again go back to where it all started. I hate this. I hate seeing this. I want to change it. I want to make her smile and live her life again. Help me God..

Riya says “There are certain things we cannot change. We can just remember and cherish the memories attached. Things happen in time“

My sister’s facebook status says ”I am contemplating if time really heals?“

I look at the difference between the two saying of the two different people I really love! I feel that time can't do much until we ourselves decide to live with it and cherish there memories, instead of mourning with grief! Wish we could be a little different and think positive always. But in the end I also feel bad because I lost him. Maybe this is the reason that the small cherishment gets converted to unmounted grief. I’m confused. My two other sisters like my status. Aren't they confused?

I write this for my uncle whom I considered as my great Dad. He passed away in peace today last year. He loved us. He will always be my inspiration in every sphere of life. He was so pure, so true and so loving.

I have to go, to support my aunt. We have to console ourselves, Her.

I wont cry.

May his soul rest in peace. We are all blessed. We love him."

Death dates, thereby both entail and ensue pain and suffering but we can't stop ourselves from remembering. And we shouldn't. Just that instead of ranting and tearing our hearts with pain, if we could share some happy memories, tears will still flow but happy ones. The loss can never be filled. But the presence can still be felt in our minds and souls with the happiness they spread when they were here. 

I still remember how he stood beside my bed before my exams in 10th class with a golden pen in his hand. It was my first board exam and that too SST(Social Studies). I was too small to drop a tear then but today I can't hold a single tear up in the eye.

God seldom sits by the side to make such true and distinct personalities but whenever he does, he does it perfectly. I scored 97 in the same exam. And this was also my highest score among all the subjects!

Motivation and Inspiration are key factors which subside any kind of fear in life and laughter drinks it dry. I pick up from where he left and I have to be The Second Man, The Second Him. With a promise with my existence and an oath over my word, I decide to be truthful, honest and kind. I'll walk on his road. 

With all my desperation of meeting him and seeing his smile, I shut this post with my eyes closed and dive into deep dreams with this ode:

These scars are bigger than these doubts of mine
They come alive every year at the same time 

World feels empty with all of these rants inside

Memories make me stronger building my spine

It's this bright red heart where his soul resides

And he's never going outa this pumping emotional thing for I've drawn an indelible covering line.

[I still believe we can live forever. Forever and ever in our silent hearts; in our own deviant way and loving existence]

** With this small post, I express my love and my rant for my maternal uncle who was more like a father to me. He resides somewhere deep inside me where my spirit sits with him; ensconced and singing.